Dear Noah,
You just had a marathon crying session, from about 830pm to 1015pm, the longest you’ve had so far. I’ve never felt so helpless before, trying desperately to soothe you in whatever ways I could. I think you were overtired and just couldn’t manage to get back to sleep on your own. You tried suckling, which usually manages to make you fall asleep within 15 minutes, but tonight, it didn’t work. I thought you might have needed to burp, so I tried burping you, which also didn’t work. You screamed away, kicking and pushing me wildly, with tears rolling down your cheeks.
To be honest, I’ve always been thankful that you weren’t a screamer and that you were relatively easy to pacify, if your needs were met before you got really upset. The only times you would really scream would be when I’m changing your diaper or trying to put you into a romper. But on those occasions, once I was done, you would calm down and a quick suckle would usually help in getting you to sleep. You also cry a little when I wash your hair but the crying stops when you go into the bathtub for your bath. Every now and then, you’d cry when you have to get out of the bathtub, but the crying usually lasts for half a minute. You really have never cried for such a long period of time before!
Just now, I tried massaging your belly gently, jiggling your butt the way the PD showed us, putting you down on our bed, but nothing worked. I was desperate. I swaddled you as tightly as I could, went ‘shhhhhhhhhhh’ loudly in your ear and tried jiggling you from side to side, the way Dr Krup did in his videos. You stopped crying for a while before wailing at the top of your voice. Finally, I switched off the night light, popped you on my shoulder and patted you frantically while going ‘shhhhhhhhhhh’, praying fervently for God to please PLEASE make you comfortable so that you would stop crying. The wailing finally stopped but your eyes remained open, as you whined and kicked feebly every now and then. It took another half an hour before you finally fell asleep and I dared to put you back into your cot. You’re asleep now and I really hope that this is the first and last time that you’d cry so much. It broke my heart to see you so miserable.
While we’re at it, could you also please stop crying when I change your diapers? You’ve been through the routine often enough for you to know that it’s not a bad thing. I mean, you get a clean diaper! You can’t possibly enjoy lying/sitting in your own poop for hours, right? The same goes for putting on your clothes. I know it seems scary when something is pulled over your head, and I admit that I sometimes don’t manage to get it over your head in one go. But struggling just makes things worse, and so does stiffening your arms so that I can’t pull them through the sleeves. If you cooperate with me, we’d be done much faster with the diaper and outfit changes. Try it and you’ll see.
One last thing. It is not protocol to poop or pee when your diaper is removed. I have no idea who told you that that was the way to go (no pun intended) but I really hate it when you do that. Not cool, son. Not cool at all. I can’t remember how many times I’ve had to wipe up all the disgusting poop from the changing mat or had to change your clothes because the huge puddle of poop/pee got to them. Please wait until you are wearing a diaper properly, before you do your business, okay?
I’ve been told that I will miss having you at this stage. I do love looking at your sweet little face and hearing you coo. Even your warning whimpers are adorable, because as your daddy puts it, you have this ‘so poor thing’ look. I love it when you smile at me, or rather, in my general direction, as I suspect you’re probably just smiling at nothing in particular. I love holding you in my arms as you suckle, and having you lie on me as you fall asleep. Please continue to be our little angelic baby and don’t ever cry like that again… mummy can’t handle so much crying!
With all my love, Mummy