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To Our Dearest Twins… #3

My dearest babies,

I used to write monthly posts detailing your KorKor’s development, and I honestly meant to do the same for you, but I blinked, and you turned four five months old. I can’t believe that you’re so big already, and I keep telling Daddy that I can’t even remember giving birth to you anymore. It’s a good thing I wrote about your birth story shortly after it happened, or I would probably really have no recollection of it!

Where do I begin? Honestly, I didn’t get to spend much time with you during the first three months, as we had two confinement ladies helping us then. Qing Jie was with us for the first two months, and therefore built a stronger bond with us. I was quite sad when she had to leave, because she was a huge help, especially when I first tried to breastfeed both of you, and later when Meimei was hospitalised. Ah Yi came a few days after Qing Jie left, and somehow, I felt more like your mummy during those few days when I had to handle you on my own. I know it’s silly, but I just feel closer to you two when I’m the one changing your diapers, bathing you, rocking you to sleep, and nursing you directly.

With Qing Jie

With Ah Yi

Both of you took to the bottle quite well initially, and had at least one formula feed daily, but my milk supply stabilised some time between the second and third months, and we no longer had to give you any formula. Shortly after, we realised that you both didn’t want to use milk bottles anymore, and refused to drink even my milk from the bottles. It’s easier for me in that I don’t have to pump anymore, but it also means that both of you have to go everywhere with me, since I’m your sole source of food. It can get tricky logistically sometimes, but it’s okay, because I am fully aware that you’ll grow up soon, and won’t even need me to breastfeed you. I will nurse you for as long as you want, since you are most likely our last babies, and I hope to continue this breastfeeding journey for as long as we are comfortable with this arrangement.

I used to tandem nurse you quite often, but when we moved to Jakarta and my twin breastfeeding pillow hadn’t arrived yet, I had to use pillows to prop you up, and for some reason, both of you refused to “share”. You would unlatch and cry if you noticed that your brother or sister was also being nursed at the same time. It drove us nuts, because it was clear that you were hungry, yet refused to drink because you wanted to be the only baby in my arms. Meimei, you were the one who was more sensitive about this, and until today, you frequently want both my hands to be holding and patting you as I nurse you. I find that interesting, since you’re the one who is generally more independent. You can fall asleep on your own if you’re tired, and I often feel guilty because by the time I’ve settled your brother and want to carry you, you have already fallen asleep in your cot or bouncer.

Waiting on the breastfeeding pillow for milk

“Erm, mummy? Meimei fell asleep again…”

Didi, you are definitely the neediest baby among our three kids, and Daddy frequently asks me why you’re like that. You love being carried, and cry the most pitiful cries when we don’t pick you up. You call out to us when we walk past you, and arch your back to signal that you want to be carried. You’ve won the heart of our helper, and she carries you in a sarong to cook and iron, because you cry when she tries to put you down. You startle easily, especially when you’re sleeping, and I’m so thankful that I started using the Love to Dream Swaddles on both of you. You both look so cute in them, and I like to call you my little butterflies, because your arms look like wings in the swaddles. Recently, both of you somehow managed to stick your fingers out through the neck opening, and love sucking your fingers that way, while waiting for me to nurse you.

My little butterflies

Meimei sucking on her finger through the swaddle

Both of you are a tad slow at hitting your milestones, but this time round, I’m not as anxious. Meimei has flipped from her front to her back once or twice, but hasn’t shown any interest in doing it again. Both of you have started lying on your sides sometimes when I put you down on your backs, so I think you might be flipping soon. You’re both better at doing tummy time compared to your KorKor, and I’ve been trying to read to you while you do your tummy time. I don’t read to you as often as I’d like, but I’ll definitely try harder to read daily to you.

Tummy time

You enjoy looking at the mirror and toys on your activity gym, and both of you will occasionally bat the toys. I’m not sure if you’re doing it deliberately, but I shall just assume that you are, okay? Your KorKor loves lying on your activity gym with you, and is always trying to teach you how to play with the toys. He loves you both dearly, and I think the feeling is mutual, because both of you track him with your eyes whenever he’s in front of you. When either of you are fussing, I sometimes send KorKor to entertain you, and you’ll generally stop crying for a while, to watch him jump around and sing to you.

On the activity gym

With KorKor

The first time both of you laughed was when I cleaned your hands during your evening wipe-down session. It wasn’t on the same day, and Meimei started laughing before Didi did, but both of your first laughs occurred when your hands were being cleaned. I admit that I sometimes clean your hands more times than necessary when I bathe you or wipe you down, because I love hearing you two laugh. Meimei laughs more readily than Didi, and your KorKor loves making you laugh.

Happy babies

Daddy and I often wonder if you’re aware of each other’s existence, since you don’t really interact much with each other when you’re lying or sitting side by side. You do like looking at each other and smiling when we put you face to face, and we were most amused when Meimei was busy talking and laughing to Didi, who just stared blankly at her.

Is there someone next to me?

Who’s that leaning on me?

Meimei trying to talk to Didi

You’ll be starting on solids soon, and this time round, I plan to try baby-led weaning with you, because I had such a tough time getting your KorKor to eat. I’m also reading this book called Super Nutrition for Babies, and will probably try to incorporate some of the recipes and theories in your weaning journey. Both of you have been watching us while we eat, and I think you look pretty interested, so fingers crossed that you’ll both be good eaters! You do love sucking on your hands and diaper cloths, so hopefully that’s a good sign, since your KorKor never quite did that.

Sucking on hands and diaper cloths

It hasn’t been all that easy looking after all three of you, especially since we recently relocated to Jakarta, but as they all say, the days are long, but the years are short. I’m looking forward to doing more with you when your KorKor starts school, even though I think we will all miss having him at home with us all the time.

I love how smiley and cheerful both of you are. There are days when I am utterly exhausted, thanks to the multiple times that you wake up at night (your record is more than ten times, thank you very much) but when you look at me and smile, I can’t help but smile back at you. I still marvel at how much you’ve grown, and at the fact that you’re both mine. I promise to be more diligent in recording your milestones, and please believe me that this lack of frequent updates is not because I love you less, but because I really don’t have the time or brain capacity to write much these days.

I tell you multiple times daily that I love you, and I hope that you’ll always know how much you mean to me. Please be healthy and happy, my babies. That’s all I ask for.

With all my love, Mummy

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